Wednesday, 15 August 2012

Gondola Gonorrhea

Yep, that's me in the gondola as we ascend the mountain. Notice the uneasy/terrified/hey, I might throw-up look on my face and my son's 'Hey you, I got her on this box of terror!' grin.

For most people, riding in a plastic cube suspended by 2 inch cables a million feet in the air is no biggie, I mean really, what could possible go wrong? But for me, the possibilities are truly endless and let me tell you why.

1. Has nobody else watched the gondola crashes on You Tube? This is a very real thing people and I don't bounce well.

B. There is no reason why my body needs to be higher than the trees.

3. OK, so what really is moving this thing? How the heck does something this heavy roll up a mountain? And what happens if that power source suddenly stops? Will we stop? Roll backwards to our doom and become like swinging bumper cars crashing into each other until finally the unlucky car at the bottom is squeezed back into launch site. What if I'm in that car that's plastered against the wall of the launch site? That's going to really hurt!

4. Those doors on that box don't look super secure to me! There are no locks or latches, just a slidy thing, and why would there be windows that open at all? Do they want me dangling body parts out of something this high in the air?

e) Why is it that gondola and gonorrhea are so similar? They even sound the same. Is it because the steps in treating both conditions, the fear of gondola transportation and gonorrhea are pretty much the same?

"There are two goals in treating a sexually transmitted disease, especially one as easily spread as gonorrhea. The first is to cure the infection in the patient." Ummm...the first treatment in gondola transportation fear is to take the patient by the hand and lead her into the plastic box, holding her hand through the whole process, curing the need for her to run like a terrified maniac because she can't let go of her son's hand, that would be rude. "The second is to locate and test all of the other people the person had sexual contact with and treat them to prevent further spread of the disease." Force other family members, husband, to ride in the cage of doom thus causing extra reason for her faux bravery because, hey, she ain't no baby. She won't be the one who further spreads this condition.

Yes, I was very, very, very scared and did sing 'The Wheels on the Bus' the whole way up and chanted, "Thousands of people do this every day, they're ok." as I went higher and higher. I did contemplate walking back down the mountain when I reached the top, but then decided that it would be more of a roll/plummet down the mountain side as there are no actual steps on Sulphur Mountain (which I think is really quite inconsiderate. I do plan on sending a strongly worded email someday to someone who has a say in something) so, I did ride the gondola all the way down again, but this time it was much easier like a bubble floating about, bouncing on the tree tops popping in and out of the clouds.

Maybe next time, if there is ever a next time I will read the suggestions for the treatment of gonorrhea first.
'Never treat yourself without being seen by your doctor first. Your health care provider will determine the best and most up-to-date treatment' and just not go on the gondola at all.

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