Monday, 20 August 2012

Dear Girls Who Were in the Outdoor Public Washroom Before Me!


I am writing this letter in regards to an incident I would like to report that occurred on August 16, 2012.

Dear Girls Who Were in the Outdoor Public Washroom Before Me,

I would like to bring attention to a situation I had while using a public restroom facility somewhere between Alberta and Saskatchewan.

It was already a very, very long drive and the venti Caramel Macchiato (which is so incredibly delish that I can not leave town without purchasing one), was saying, "Hey, it's time to evacuate the premises." Being a lady, I can not and will not treat a highway, gravel road, small shrub in the ditch or the side of a vehicle as my personal bathroom, so I waited very patiently until we made the 1 1/2 hour drive up and down hills, over bumps and through valleys.

Believe you me, Girls Who Were in the Outdoor Public Washroom Before Me, it was a great feat of accomplishment to endure the twitchy feeling of really having to pee. The leg jiggling, bum scooching and brain distracting was intense, but I did it and for that I am very, very proud. The sight of the roadside pull over made my eyes tear-up and I felt as I would burst with immense joy as the truck rolled into the parking lot outside the washrooms. As fast as my finger could push that seat belt lock I took off out of the truck and threw open the first bathroom stall door.

Oh the horror, oh the disappointment, oh the pain in my body when I saw the swarms of flies circling the toilet. The smell was overpowering to say the least, but even more disturbing that the horrendous stench that came from this facility was from the brown pile of poop that had proudly perched itself on the back of the toilet seat. Now, being a very girlie girl I do understand the need to straddle any public washroom toilet because, hey, stuff may get stuck or go 'up there', and I know that I am NOT a coordinated woman so it is an acrobatic feat for me to carry out such a life threatening task as the toilet straddle, but never ever in the history of EVER have I left a deuce on a toilet at home or in public.

I have brought this complaint to your organization in hopes that someone will do DNA testing on the poop to find out who accidentally left it behind. I reported this incident to my friend Tara directly after it occurred and she made a very good suggestion as to what should happen to the individual who mistakenly took a poop on the toilet. She thinks the, "Girl should have her pink card taken away!" and I totally agree with her.

Is there a way the Pink Card can be revoked?

The Girl Who Had to Use the Other Bathroom Instead.

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